***WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTENT 18+***
I felt Ethan’s passion for me as he surged into me over and over in near desperation searching for his release. But I felt disconnected from him, as if I was floating above our bed looking down on two people that I didn’t know anymore. How had we gotten here? We were as close as two human beings could possibly be, yet farther apart then I could ever have imagined.
My body responded to him as it usually did. It wasn’t that I didn’t want my husband but I met his powerful thrusts as if I was on autopilot. While he had his face buried in my throat, I was looking at my wedding ring. Three years of waiting. Three years of praying for a miracle and nothing had worked. And the worst part was we weren’t talking about it anymore. It just hurt too much.
Sweat was running down both of our bodies as Ethan’s thrusts intensified. He was close. I tried to get into the moment. I wanted to come with him but I couldn’t pretend we were in sync anymore. As he released his seed in inside of me I silently said the little prayer that I’d been saying the last couple of years out of sheer habit. Maybe this seed would be planted and the baby we’d both been yearning for would take hold.
When he finished he lifted his head and kissed the tear that had escaped my eye.
“We can’t give up honey. I told you I would do anything to make this happen, but I need you to be all in too.”
“I’m just tired of being disappointed, tired of all of it.” I said turning my head away from his penetrating eyes.
“Tired of me.” He said as he rolled off me and sat up. Running his hand through his hands through his hair he reached out and gently turned my head to face him.
“So you don’t love me anymore because we haven’t been able to have a baby?”
“I do love you. But it’s tearing us apart and I’m just worn down. I….” I started to cry and he pulled me into his arms.
“I wanted to surprise you but I guess I should tell you now before you decide to divorce me. I’m willing to try the surrogate path.” I stiffened in his arms at that news. It was the first time he’d ever brought it up on his own.
“Yes. I’m sorry it took so long. I yearn for the same thing that you do honey. And I know we have to try everything. And if that doesn’t work, then we adopt. We are going to have a family one way or another. Just don’t give up on me. We made a promise remember?”
I looked down at my ring again as it glinted in the candlelight that lit our room and I did remember. Ethan was still here. Fighting for me. Fighting for us. Fighting for our family. Fighting to keep his promises.
“Yes. I remember.” I almost choked around the lump in my throat.
“Trust me Leya. I won’t let you down.” He said as he kissed away my tears.