I can’t explain why, but this feels like a thorny subject to me rife with a good old fashioned dose of Catholic guilt. Full disclosure, I was baptized a Catholic. I attended Catholic school from first grade through twelfth which included attending an all-girls Catholic high school (Under protest). Yeah. Poster child for Catholic school girl. Not. So for those Catholics reading this who care, the answer is yes, I received all my Sacraments (except for marriage...that one has eluded me so far and it ain’t my fault). But it brought me no closer to faith. For me, faith has been an elusive concept that I continue to struggle with and search for daily. Honestly, it fascinates me how people can be so deep in their faith to the point where it defies logic and reason. But that’s a whole other subject. I wanted to talk about prayer.
Regardless of my thoughts on faith I do pray. Partly because I was programmed to from a very young age and when I don’t, it feels more like a rebellion than any deep held ideal that prayer is bullshit. So maybe a better word is meditate. Either way, prayer from me is mostly about mindfulness. Not asking some ghost in the sky for stuff or to solve my problems. But rather a reflection and an acceptance of where I am in that moment, showing gratitude, as well as thinking about the big picture. Which is why I do it regularly. Because I believe that all we need a moment to STOP, LOOK, and LISTEN to ourselves, our inner voice, and yes to God (if he’s out there. I really hope so, because I am going to be really pissed off when I die to find out otherwise.).
Basically, what I am trying to say is that I find prayer useful in my life. I believe in it, I support it and maybe if I keep doing it I will find the missing link.